all on my own

little something about being self employed

I have always known that I'm eventually going to end up being self employed or probably it's still better to say - away from all kinds of 9 am - 6 pm, 10 am - 7 pm or 24/7 schedules imposed on you, making you super less productive, less creative and less happy (not to say miserable), hate Mondays and mornings in general, (cause you are assured that waking up at 7 am should be legally prohibited), sometimes dislike managers cause they are not fair (optional) and in general gain all those characteristics that a regular employee, who is not happy about his/her occupation at least 30-40% of the time, has!

On the other hand, I probably shouldn't really generalize employee habits and in general all the above mentioned, so I'm just going to present things from my perspective (it happened so that I've experienced it all during my employment times for this or that organizations). Every time I would complain about something about my job: office, manager, salary, the system, lack of sleep, exhaustion, overload or whatever my friends would tell me "Why don't you find another job?" which in fact probably could be a good temporary solution for my type of people cause my answer would always be "I'm really - REALLY not looking for a better sameness" :) Because, it's not always about the place you work, it's often about you, whether or not you are at the right place or doing the right thing :)

Not to go in details about what happened, when, what, how and why, cause it's probably a topic for another blog post, I'll just say that the opportunity knocked at the door and I had the "10 seconds of insane courage" thing again and quit my job momentarily starting doing own stuff and eventually ended up registering foundation and got on to work for myself :)

And here is what happens when you are own your own :)

• you manage your time completely on your own but it takes a while to manage yourself and your time as productively as you thought you would have
• you definitely do a lot more work than you used to do with your former full time/part time job, cause now you work for yourself and there are no limits but just bundles of work that you take over your shoulders willingly and voluntarily... now you are doing everything for yourself, for your joy, your development: the key point about working more than you used to do is that you want to work, not that you have to!
• you definitely stop hating Mondays and in general stop caring what day of the week it is, cause every day is as beautiful as another one and you work no matter it's a working day or not ;) I still have problems remembering dates...if not for my mobile phone I would never know what day of the week it is, what the date it is  in general, sometimes even mixing the months - cause it doesn't really matter any more :) 
• you stop craving for vacations or looking for public holidays on the calendars hoping that the dates might coincide with the working dates and there is a chance of having a long weekend. And the reason is again very simple: you can take your time for vacation any time you want now ;)
• you stop looking for/forwards to salary promotion, cause you can raise your salary any time you want and in the amount you want ;) 
• if you are married and have to take care of the household stuff, you start having this delusion that your house will be super-duper tidy every day, cause before you probably, just like a most married women with full time employments had time to really really make the house super clean on weekends, but it's an illusion! your house is not tidier than it used to be and a big difference with former house cleaning habits is that you might hate household stuff even more now, cause it's taking YOUR time from YOUR beloved occupation
• another funny thing might occur that lots and "loads" of people might start thinking that you have plenty of time for anything which is not true again, cause if before you knew that you finish you job at around 6-7 pm, now you have NO IDEA when you'll finish it and what else might pop up
• alongside with lots of people thinking that you have plenty of time, even more people start thinking that you are actually unemployed... but, I mean... do you really care what others think ?! if you still do, then don't ;) 
• your mind starts working in its full creativity that you probably would never thought you were capable of, you know why?! you are not doing a routine work! even if you are during a little routine/administrative work for a while you know exactly why you are doing that and where you are going to!!! you start to create new things and it doesn't even matter what profession you are in, you mind starts working in different ways where there are no limits, no judgement and no control
• you start having these strong cravings for dramatic changes in your appearance, cause so many things have changed in your life, you have changed so much along with your life, and it's strange to look in the mirror and see your former self that now you have hard times really recognizing. As for the appearance changes - I had a dramatic cut-off my hair :) 
• you wake up at around 6 am in the morning! "WHAT? how this happened? why am I up this early? mmm~ wow it's actually nice to wake up this early, no cars, no people fresh air, birds sing, oh look the sun rises, GOD it's beautiful, I actually forgot how the sunrise looked... oh so this is what peace and serenity looks like... I'm gonna get some coffee" exactly what I thought on the second day of my "unemployed" life :) and then I got to work
• you are less sustainable than you used to be, I mean you never know what's going to happen tomorrow but on the other hand... is there any sustainability in Armenia? is the whole sustainability thing not an universally accepted myth?! I can bet, it is! and not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow is exactly what makes your mind works so~ creatively and you come up with so many new ideas and implement new "projects" that make you sustainable day by day. And in general I came to really realize that sustainability and comfort is not always what you need or should constantly have... cause magic happens when you actually get out of it ;) 

My dad would always say "whatever I do in life,  do it as best as you can possible do, be as best in it as you can possible be, so now this is exactly what I'm striving for together with my Eiva :) 

p.s. I hardly ever read long blog posts without visuals, I just keep wondering why on earth do I keep writing such long posts ?! :)